Storm Stories: A Weather Change

While some of you may have read this Storm Story before, the miracle of it never gets old.  Cindy is the most extraordinairy woman I have never met–much less talked to on the telephone–but her obedience to The Almighty and her commitment to The Christ and her love for The Father I have admired since the first day I read her blog.  She is a beautiful, grown woman who knows she is just a child of God.  Her marriage is an immeasurable testimony to The Spirit’s power.  And though her tenacity runs deep, still she writes with humor and grace.

THE DAY EVERYTHING CHANGED

by Cindy

Unexpectedly, my husband, Chris, walked through the front door of our new home at 9 somethin’ in the morning. Sitting in the middle of a sea of boxes, I looked up and saw the face of the man I’d loved for nearly 10 years. He was the new worship pastor at LifeChurch.tv in Edmond, Oklahoma, and we had just moved 500 miles to be here.  I didn’t know it yet, but this was the man who would soon break my heart. Chris walked toward me and asked if we could talk.  The look on his face said enough. Something was wrong.  The day was Tuesday, February 19, 2002.

After getting our son, Noah, settled watching a Blue’s Clues video, Chris motioned for me to sit on the newly purchased sofa that had arrived just 24 hours before as we were beginning our new life in a new town. As he confessed to numerous affairs with numerous women, my heart began to race. I heard the cracking of my heart as he spoke and felt the devastation setting in almost immediately. As if that information was not enough to handle, he also informed me that one of the women was pregnant and he was pretty sure the baby was his child.

You have got to be kidding me.

He was not.

Within thirty minutes, a couple of our pastors came over to our house. Their attempts to even speak were futile. I was crying, Chris was scared for his life and they sat across from us in disbelief. After learning the news, they left and I was alone with the husband I both loved and hated.  I didn’t want him near me and I wanted him to hold me. I wanted details and he reluctantly shared them. I wanted dates but he could not supply them. I wanted to know why he did this to me…to us. For that, he had an answer.

Pornography.

I was married to a full-blown porn addict. He explained that simply viewing images of naked women no longer appealed to him. He needed something more. His sickness grew and grew and gave birth to more repulsive desires. Eventually, after years of progression, this sin completely entangled him and he acted out.

My husband’s resignation was forthcoming. His resignation brought even more hopelessness to my broken heart. Not only was our marriage deeply wounded and more than likely beyond repair, my ministry was lost, too.  Now, I was the one who needed to be ministered to. This role was not something I was accustomed to at all.

I needed to hear from God.  I decided to take our then 3-year old son to my mother’s.  Upon my arrival, she was insistent that I go meet with her pastor. My husband’s confession had robbed all my strength so I didn’t even put up a fight.  I went to see her pastor.

I was surprised how comfortable I was in his presence. A true shepherd, he listened to my story and watched as tears streamed down my face. I begged him to tell me what he thought I should do. He did something better.  He told me the truth.

“I would respect you if you felt that you needed to remove yourself from your marriage. What you’ve endured is very hard. But, you are not a fool to stay and be a part of the redemptive work in a man’s life.”

I was absolutely certain that these were the words coming my Heavenly Daddy disguised in a middle-aged Baptist minister’s voice. I knew it immediately.

We returned home to Edmond shortly thereafter.  Chris had spent that week alone grieving himself and hoping his wife would return to give it another shot. We were about to embark on the most difficult road ever…the road to healing and restoration.

While there were plenty who were skeptical of Chris’ heart, he proved to be the real deal. Chris began to build back my trust in him. He was accountable to a few and never once defended himself. He was willing to spend the rest of his life working to rebuild my trust.

Eighteen months after Chris’ confession, our pastor, Craig Groeschel, asked Chris to come back on the team to serve as a pastor again.  Chris’ surrender to our leadership team and willingness to do whatever it took to mend our marriage proved to be authentic.

We are not at the end. The restoration is progressing, but not over. We still have our days where it hurts. Days where we re-live it when others go through a similar situation. Days where we have to explain to our 9-year old why he has a brother who is not his mother’s child. And the fact that we have an amazing relationship with Chris’ son and his mom is nothing short of a modern-day miracle in itself.

Our pastor preached to our congregation at LifeChurch.tv about Chris’ confession and told them “we are going to believe God that they will be better than new”. He wasn’t kidding.  We are so better than new. We are better than we ever imagined. We are better than anybody thought we’d ever be.

Chris and I are best friends and our marriage is blessed with an increasing passion for each other. (Ahem) We have had countless opportunities to minister to couples and individuals who are walking through similar challenges.  Chris’ influence and impact at LifeChurch.tv continues to humble him as he never thought he’d ever participate in ministry again. Most importantly, my heart is full.  I have a man who adores me and isn’t afraid to show it. And my trust in him is growing daily.

There are many things I don’t know in life.  I’ve often wondered why things happen and how they could serve a purpose.  I don’t know a lot of things.

But, here’s what I do know.

According to the Bible, God makes all things possible. He created the Universe in less than a week. He formed mountains and scooped out valleys with His hands. He is everywhere, all the time. He can change a heart with the snap of his fingers. He can bring sight to a blind man with some dirt and saliva. He can part a sea and allow his people to cross on dry land. He can make walls fall down with the blast of a trumpet. He can keep a man from being eaten by lions. He can bring forth a Child through a virgin. He can turn a Pharisee into a martyr for Christ. He can transform a fisherman into a minister of the gospel. He brings peace that no one can explain. He is truly a remarkable God. My marriage is living proof.

I remember asking God one day how He was going to take this awful situation and use it for His good (Romans 8:28). Tears were streaming down my face and I had no idea how I would survive this. God spoke ever so gently to my heart and here is what He said:

God: Remember when you told me that you would go through anything in order to bring glory to my name?

Me: Uh-huh, sniff, sniff.

God: I’m taking you up on your offer.

Trust Him.

He is faithful and loving and kind and tender and good and miraculous and amazing. He will carry you when you can walk no more and He will strengthen you when you need to make the journey. He is true to His word and will do what He says he is going to do. I promise because He promises and He does not disappoint.

(A Note From TheNorEaster:  If you, or someone you love, is struggling with an addiction to pornography, please pay a visit to Cindy’s blog.  Having survived that storm, Cindy and her husband now help others struggling with the same problems.)