Storm Stories: The Tempest Shapes The Temple

Losing a loved one suddenly, and unexpectedly, is among the most difficult of storms to endure.  The loss leaves us with a hole in our hearts as we face doubts about God’s goodness, His righteousness, and even His sense of morality.  Oftentimes, we place our own sense of what is right and what is wrong above Him.  I know I have at times.  But, through it all, The Creator uses the tempest to shape His temple, the soul in which His Spirit resides.  And while this storm still has ravaged the landscape of her soul, Gchyayles has seen the sunrise of His peace.  And strength.  Though she knows her inner landscape will never quite be the same, The Creator is rebuilding, and shaping–and making her His own daughter.

A SOUL ANCHORED IN THE LORD

by Gchyayles

“When God wants to make a person, He puts him/her into some storm.” Anonymous
 
When Nor asked me to participate in ‘Storm Stories,’ I could not decide on which storm to write about.  In my three short years of being a Christian, I have endured quite a few storms.  One of the biggest ones was being disowned by my Muslim family for being a Christian.  I’ve written about that storm multiple times and believe me when I say that-that testimony will never get old for me and I would love for you to share in God’s goodness with me by reading it here.  However, God was calling me to share a different type of storm for this purpose.  A storm that still hurts.  A storm that I’m still seeking deliverance from. A storm that I feel will linger in the background for the rest of my life.  
 
A phone call changed my life on Thursday July 17th 2008.  My father had been in a car accident during a tropical storm in my hometown Islamabad, Pakistan.  His car skid off the edge of the road and fell into the river.  They had found the car but he was nowhere to be found.  They even found his shoes, wallet and glasses.  
 
I cannot begin to describe the 96 hours that followed.  Even though they did not find his body until that Saturday morning, in my spirit I knew he was gone from the moment I received that phone call and while I was praying for God’s will to be done, secretly I hoped that His will was for Daddy to live.  A normal response under the circumstances I suppose.  I stayed in touch over the phone with my family during those two days.  All of us were hopeful, convincing ourselves of different scenarios of what may have happened.  That Saturday morning at 2am the second call came.  They had found his body in the water miles from where the accident took place.  
 
There were so many things going through my head during that time.  I was in Michigan.  I did not have a visa.  I could not get a flight out before that Monday morning.  I did not have money to buy a ticket.  Above everything though, I could not get past the fact that my father had not spoken to me since January, which is when I had revealed my faith to my family and had been disowned.  While God gave me immaculate strength and peace to do what I needed to do to get to Pakistan, there were questions lingering in the back of my mind: “Why did God not give me the chance to tell my Daddy that I loved him? Why couldn’t I have talked to him one last time? Did he suffer?  Did God have mercy on his soul? Did he know God before he died?”  
 
God worked out every single detail during that time.  My spiritual mother paid for my ticket.  Friends gave me money for travel and other things.  I had friends listening, supporting, praying, surrounding me with love and concern.  Getting a visa wasn’t a problem.  I finally got to Pakistan on Tuesday morning.  This is a testimony in itself.  My family had disowned me and I had not been home in years.  When I got there they embraced me and we cried together and shared in our grief.  While this was the most difficult thing that any of us have ever gone through, it did bring us back together.  I missed the funeral but God gave me peace with that.  No one had been allowed to see his body because of the way he died; they had sealed the casket at the hospital soon after he was taken there.  It was for the better.  No one wanted to remember Daddy that way.
 
It was exactly six months this past Thursday since my Daddy died.  I can’t say that the pain of the loss I feel has gone away but the tears have lessened and the Lord has given me a lot of peace and strength during this time.  At one point it felt that I would never stop crying; that I would never forgive myself for not having a relationship with Daddy right before he died; that my world would remain dark and depressing.  When I came back from Pakistan, I was really depressed.  I couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t eat.  I didn’t want to talk to anybody.  I stayed on the couch for days.  God has brought me a long way since then.  When people used to tell me that weeping only endures for a night and that joy does come in the morning it would upset me.  At the time, I really didn’t feel like joy was coming but today I can vouch for the truth in that promise from God.  I can say that I can experience joy in spite of the pain.  That I do have peace that surpasses all understanding in spite of the circumstances under which I lost my Daddy.  That God gave me a reason to not grieve like those that do not have hope but that the hope I have in Jesus would strengthen me and give me a reason to want to make it through another day.  I praise Him for His deliverance and for His peace during this storm in my life.  I praise Him for reuniting me with my family.  That I have been back to Pakistan since then and that He is helping me to rebuild relationships with my family members.  I can also say that I have definitely grown in my faith and understanding of who God is during this time and while there are still moments where those questions come back up and where I feel down and out, He has stayed with me throughout, providing me with His comfort and peace, and for that I am so thankful.
 
I love and miss you Daddy. 

 

There is much more to my story of losing Daddy, however, this is the first time I have recounted that time and so I apologize if it’s a little disjointed.  You are welcome to read more about that time and my journey since on my blog.  Thank you so much for reading this and thank you to all of you who were and have continued to be such a huge pillar of strength and support for me during this time of grief in my life.