Storm Stories: This IS The Day

Anton Checkov, the Russian writer who gave us “The Lady With The Pet Dog” and The Cherry Orchard, once wrote, “Any idiot can handle a crisis; it’s the day-to-day living that gets you.”  As many of you who have been following Storm Stories have learned, enduring a tempest often lasts a whole lot longer than a weather change because the landscapes of our lives are altered irrevocably.  And yet, there are times when the daily pressures of this life are a storm all by themselves.  Here today with just such a tale is the man who founded The Bloggers’ Bible Study.  He has started a new one now at Philter48.  And he did it all while enduring…

A DAILY STORM

by Carl 

Time:  4:44am.
Day of week:  Doesn’t matter.
Time of year:  Doesn’t matter. 

Scene: Fade in on an ordinary master bedroom.  Standard furniture with a queen size bed. The couple in the bed are both sleeping.  The alarm clock on the dresser is set to go off at 4:45am.  Elton John’s Still Standing queued and ready to go. 

Queue Alarm Clock.
Time:  4:45 am.
Sound: Elton John’s Still Standing. 

You could never know what its like 
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice 
And there’s a cold lonely light that shines from you 
You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use 
 
And did you think this fool could never win 
Well look at me, I’m coming back again 
I got a taste of love in a simple way 
And if you need to know while I’m still standing you just fade away

Action: Husband jumps quickly out of bed to turn off the alarm so as not to wake his wife. Stumbles back and sits on edge of bed.  Reaches for glasses, and starts to pull on the clothes he left on floor the night before. 

Queue Dialog:

Husband (Praying silently):  OK, God…Another day, I have no clue what I am good at in my life, you have to show me again today that I have the ability to accomplish what it is you want me to do.  You God have to show me I have the ability to make it through today knowing it is you who gives me strength and the talents to:  Lead myself, lead a family, and lead others.  Father God, please help me know that I can accomplish something today. 

End scene.

Short movie, huh?  Well here is the thing.  This scene plays out everyday in my life. 

Looking at the prayer you might think that it is the prayer of a man that every day turns his life over to God.  And that is partly true.   You may look at it as a prayer asking for God’s will.  And that is partly true.    Let me tell you what that prayer is from me to God.

I am 37 years old.  To this day I have no clue what I am good at and no idea what my true talents are.  I have no self confidence that I have the ability to accomplish anything.  Make sure you hear what I am saying, because most hear me say that and say come on look at all you do.   I have no self confidence that I have the ability to accomplish anything.  Let it sink in for a second. 

Imaging just trying to deal with everyday life not knowing how you are going to deal with everyday life.  Imagine not being able to set goals, look forward to dreams, or paralyzing procrastination when things need to be done.  My sense of self worth is nothing…

I have battled this everyday of my life that I can remember.  Every day just knowing that I can not measure up to the world, and do not have the ability to find a way to measure up.  

I watched 7 sisters; all became successful in everything their lives touched.  I was bitter that I could not figure out how to achieve what they had.  I was angry that every time I gained a bit of confidence something happened to show me I was still not good enough…..

You can read my complete testimony here:

 http://philter48.wordpress.com/ckroboths-testimony/

But here is the key part. 

You see, God gave us all plenty of time, and it is how we choose to use the time that can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.

It was the day after my Dad died, I knew I wanted to speak at his funeral, and this was the first sentence that was typed out on the computer. Time Time Time… What was the significance of time… As I sat there with tear filled eyes I thought of all the time my Dad spent just being himself, Wise, Unselfish, Caring, Protecting, and Loving. What I wrote about that day was how he valued the time he had on this earth, and used his time to be what he was, Dad. What I now know is that Dad, even while dying of cancer was being Jesus to others.

Well 2 (actually 4 at the time of writing my storm story) years have passed and now I have a different perspective on time. I also wrote this that same day: Thank you Dad for taking the time. Thank you God for giving us a Dad who took the time.

Right now I can say:  Thank you God for giving me the time.

It was God my Father who gave me the time (2 years worth) to heal.

So one night last spring, my heart broke, not for loosing Dad, but for me… God broke through (As he always does if you let him…) As I lay in bed in tears, my wife trying to comfort me, the words hit me…Softly and Gentle…

It is OK…What?  What do you mean ok…It is OK…What to sit here and blubber like an idiot…It is OK…What to loose sleep night after night trying to figure out if I will ever…Ever what? IT IS OK…To be mad that you can’t turn to your Dad, it is OK to be sad that he won’t be there when you walk into the house…It is OK to be happy…Happy what do you mean happy? It is OK to live your life. It is OK to stretch your limits, and be the man God wants you to be…

God was telling me, IT IS OK…

As of today, I still have no confidence in my natural abilities.  When I do something, and someone says good job, I silently thank my God for using me.   It was not until I allowed Him to just use me and place my self confidence in his hands that I was freed from my storm of self doubt.  

I still every morning wake up with the same prayer.  The only way I know or understand how I accomplish anything is by the power of my God.  

I know longer look to this world for how I measure up.  I no longer fear not accomplishing anything.  Through Him, through my God I can do all things. 

He does not fail me, and therefore in everything I do I can not fail.  

Phil 4:13 I can do all things through him who gives me strength.