20 September 2015


Once, this site was filled with over 1,500 posts — including over 1,200 psalms and proverbs.

And they’re all gone now.

It’s not simply because everything I had once shared here meant absolutely nothing to anybody when it mattered most.

(Like when my father died.)

And it’s not just because the church shoots their wounded.

Or that they themselves know this — and just keep firing.

It is because I have seen evil.

You see, when I had first left The Northeast, I was a Christian.

And I had faith.

Great faith.

My faith had survived — among many other things — losing three people to suicide in three years.

So, of course, I was no lightweight.

But, by the time I had finally left The Bible Belt after five years, I wanted nothing more to do with God.

I wanted nothing more to do with Jesus, either.

Or the Bible.

Still don’t.

And I never again will.

I am not a Christian.  Anymore.

And that’s because the people I had known in the noose of The Bible Belt strangled me.

You see, most people know when they have made a mistake.

And even an atheistic “sinner” knows that what he, or she, has done is wrong.

That’s not what I’m talking about.

I am talking about the greatest evil the human race has ever known.

When people betray you in the name of a religion that was supposed to give hope, and such people actually believe that what they are doing is holy and pure and good and true and just…

…When they say, ‘Surely, you are a man of God,’ but treat you like a second-class citizen and insist it’s for your own good…

…When they say, ‘Jesus died for your sins,’ but make you pay — daily — for your sins and demand such a penance will welcome you to paradise…

…When they humiliate you in the name of love, degrade you in the name of grace, and exclude you in the name of mercy…

…When they call evil good and good evil, when they speak the truth but live the lies, when they make the sweet sour and the sour sweet, and substitute darkness for light and light for darkness…

…When, for years, people treat you like shit in the name of Jesus, and you get angry about it, but then they tell the whole world you were abusive because you chose to take a stand for the truth and you just don’t like being treated like shit — even in the name of Jesus

…When they commit all such atrocities against you and more, but still believe they are doing the right thing


And my nightmares will never end.

Because it fucked me up so much I would rather burn in Hell for all eternity than be tortured like that again.

The night has fallen.